Of Mice and Men

by Dickie Schlueter on May 8, 2013

What makes your left eye twitch?

First installment

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(Things that drive you crazy, insult your senses, or simply cause you intense pain.)

Let me show you what I mean.

Your wife screams, “MOUSE,” as she jumps up onto the bed. You’re her protector, her supreme protector, so you pick up the small brass trash bin and slam it down over the little guy. You put one foot on the trashcan, stare at your wife and pound your chest like King Kong.

“Take it out of the house, Honey. But, don’t hurt it. It’s so cute.” [click to continue…]

Poplollies

by Dickie Schlueter on December 24, 2012

Poplollies, huh?

manboobs can be a drag Beware of the red one

Did you know that breast reduction surgery among men was on the rise? Seemingly due to a catastrophic outbreak of Gynecomastia. WTF? I researched the internet where all pertinent information is found and learned that gynecomastia means manboobs in Greek. I gotta learn me some Greek.

Breast reduction surgery among women has always been prevalent and the most frequent breast operation way ahead of boob enhancement. Pretty surprising. But I ponder… what happened to all that extra discarded boobage?

Is it tossed directly into the medical waste bin? Is it saved for cosmetic surgery…you know, tossed in a Osterizer then injected in someone else’s butt or lips?

Nope! It’s frozen, packed in sterile body part shaped containers and shipped to Washington D. C. Just look in the White House and the Congress. Crap, that tangent took me in the wrong direction.

But now I have to wonder, why manboobs, why chesticles, why moobies, why now? Once again I went to the internet where the greatest minds reside. Their extensive research shows the following factors are the cause of this insidious outbreak; [click to continue…]

Yield means Give Way, Jerk

by Dickie Schlueter on November 25, 2012

Dickie Rant#1

There are some things that people do that drive me crazy. Not because they are stupid and make the person look stupid; no.  It’s those stupid things that could ultimately injure or kill people, including themselves, that really bugs me. The rant starts …now.

Do you know what the above sign means? Do you know what the word means? If you do not, you should not be driving. Some of you think you do…but…

I bet half of you do not, you frickin’ dolts. Or you chose not to abide by its meaning. Or you think it’s only for the other guy; not you, you selfish twit. Do you know how many people are injured by ignoring that little yellow triangular ‘YIELD’ sign? You don’t give a shit, do you? Could the word have too many letters for you? Have you worked your way up to five letter words yet? No? Still stuck on four letter words? So why pay attention to a ‘YIELD’ sign? It’s just a small yellow sign. [click to continue…]

Uncomfortable Moments #1

by Dickie Schlueter on June 23, 2012

I gotta go, but that bad?

You had a great night. The wake exceeded your expectations. Even got a phone number from an attractive widow.

But as you look at your watch you realize that you have to split immediately in order to catch the season finale of Dexter. Someone was going to die a horribly bloody death. SWEET.

As you take off you promise the bleached blond cutie that you will call. What more can you do? Confident that you can handle the beer buzz, you strap yourself in, crank on the key and speed off.

You take a shortcut through the seedy side of Seattle to save time. Your new Land Rover rebels; the red engine light flashes on. You are sympathetic and scream.

“Don’t you dare crap on me now, you eighty thousand dollar piece of shit.” Rule of thumb; never call a fully loaded Land Rover a ‘piece of shit.’ [click to continue…]

How to Make It as a Pathetically Weak Manager

by Dickie Schlueter on May 13, 2012

There are 24 hours in a day. Get busy!

Another brilliant example of How to Make It as a Pathetically Weak Manager (PWM)

How do you know that you are a PWM?

Easy. Are you most effective when you stay home?

Side note- It helps to be tall if you are a PWM. This way, you get to look down at people all day.

One more side note- I heard that you can get leg extensions in China. They honor AAA.

 

Does the following seem to happen to you? [click to continue…]